Monday, March 20, 2006
Spam Musubi Ring Busted By F.B.I.
After an exhaustive 16 month undercover operation, 7 members of the "Spam Gang" have been arrested. Thru a complicated network of convenience stores across Oahu, investigators believe these 7 men profited heavily by reselling expired spam musubi. By replacing the stickers and writing it off as lost product, it's estimated this gang made millions of dollars in 2005 alone. The Department of Health is concerned about possible instances of food poisoning and is launching their own investigation.
Experts say spam musubi, a block of shaped rice with a slice of SPAM on it, is good for only one day. In the undercover operation, investigators found instances of spam musubi being sold up to six days after expiration.
Stores such as 7-11 and ABC Stores were also named as being part of this ongoing investigation. Corporate representatives declined to comment on the matter.
Hawai'i is the largest consumer of SPAM in the United States. Officials warn do not eat suspect spam musubi. Things to look for are hardened rice and discolored spam. If you feel you may have consumed bad spam musubi contact your doctor or health care professional immediately. The State Poison Control is working round the clock to answer any concerns.
Experts say spam musubi, a block of shaped rice with a slice of SPAM on it, is good for only one day. In the undercover operation, investigators found instances of spam musubi being sold up to six days after expiration.
Stores such as 7-11 and ABC Stores were also named as being part of this ongoing investigation. Corporate representatives declined to comment on the matter.
Hawai'i is the largest consumer of SPAM in the United States. Officials warn do not eat suspect spam musubi. Things to look for are hardened rice and discolored spam. If you feel you may have consumed bad spam musubi contact your doctor or health care professional immediately. The State Poison Control is working round the clock to answer any concerns.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
So Your Dating A Local Girl ( Product Recall)
Do to the massive public backlash publisher, If Can Publishing, has announced a complete Product Recall of it's provocative book entitled" So Your Dating A Local Girl". Since it's release last week, several well manicured Local Fever employees have protested in front of bookstores statewide. They claim the book and it's contents are offensive and the publisher, If Can Publishing, should be held liable.
In a written statement the publisher expresses remorse and vows future publications will be held to a higher degree of morals and standards.
In a written statement the publisher expresses remorse and vows future publications will be held to a higher degree of morals and standards.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
So Your Dating A Local Girl ( in bookstores soon!)
So Your Dating a Local Girl: An Insiders Guide to Dating in the Islands.
So you've flown to the middle of the Pacific Ocean to find true love and may have finally landed the girl of your wildest dreams. Well this is where my book, "So Your Dating a Local Girl", comes in to play. To the untrained eye all is not what it appears to be. My handy dandy pocket guide will carefully walk you through this difficult time, in hopes that in the end you wont get left holding the bag. For you see as difficult as it is to land such a treasure, sometimes you get and regret what you wish for.
Chapter One "The Second Date"
Chapter Two "Ah Shit the Condom Broke"
Chapter Three "So Your Meeting Dad...At Halawa"
Chapter Three "Ah Shit She Wants To Move In"
Chapter Four "How To Avoid Too Many Sick Days At Work"
Chapter Five "So the Baby Looks Like Your Best Friend"
Chapter Six "How To File for Unemployment"
Chapter Seven "How To File for a Restraining Order"
I would like to take this time to thank the many experts who have done such great extensive scientific research on this fascinating subject. I am pleased to announce only five people were killed or seriously injured during the making of this book. All things considered, these casualties are very low. The numbers could have been much higher had it not been for the Merrie Monarch Festival.
So you've flown to the middle of the Pacific Ocean to find true love and may have finally landed the girl of your wildest dreams. Well this is where my book, "So Your Dating a Local Girl", comes in to play. To the untrained eye all is not what it appears to be. My handy dandy pocket guide will carefully walk you through this difficult time, in hopes that in the end you wont get left holding the bag. For you see as difficult as it is to land such a treasure, sometimes you get and regret what you wish for.
Chapter One "The Second Date"
Chapter Two "Ah Shit the Condom Broke"
Chapter Three "So Your Meeting Dad...At Halawa"
Chapter Three "Ah Shit She Wants To Move In"
Chapter Four "How To Avoid Too Many Sick Days At Work"
Chapter Five "So the Baby Looks Like Your Best Friend"
Chapter Six "How To File for Unemployment"
Chapter Seven "How To File for a Restraining Order"
I would like to take this time to thank the many experts who have done such great extensive scientific research on this fascinating subject. I am pleased to announce only five people were killed or seriously injured during the making of this book. All things considered, these casualties are very low. The numbers could have been much higher had it not been for the Merrie Monarch Festival.
10 Things Not To Say To A Local Girl
1) I think I can smell your stink eye.
2) If your in a nightclub and in military uniform, "Hello" is more than enough.
3) One of your eye brow's is kind of crooked.
4) Did you just fart? (or) I just farted?
5) Who was that, that just called you?
6) Do you do ice or are you just naturally skinny?
7) I went to Punahou.
8) I like Kikoman shoyu on my rice.
9) The "c" word or bitch.
10) Your friend is kind of cute.
*random order.
2) If your in a nightclub and in military uniform, "Hello" is more than enough.
3) One of your eye brow's is kind of crooked.
4) Did you just fart? (or) I just farted?
5) Who was that, that just called you?
6) Do you do ice or are you just naturally skinny?
7) I went to Punahou.
8) I like Kikoman shoyu on my rice.
9) The "c" word or bitch.
10) Your friend is kind of cute.
*random order.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
The Shrimp Shack: An Overview
The Shrimp Shack is a blog about random humor. Just a collection of odds and ends, tid bits and what not. The main goal is to express humor in a creative way using the Internet as a resource to package these ideas. This is Made In Hawaii so a lot of times blogs will be island oriented.
Monday, January 23, 2006
The Vodka Blues
Boy have I got the Vodka Blues
I'm talking about bad news and tomato juice.
Piss in ya pants and lose ya girlfriend blues.
Bad breath and a headache the size of the moon.
I'm getting out of bed maybe tomorrow afternoon.
Where's all my money, and my tummy has ballooned,
Somewhere a violin is playing for me, horrribly out of tune.
I'm talking about bad news and tomato juice.
Piss in ya pants and lose ya girlfriend blues.
Bad breath and a headache the size of the moon.
I'm getting out of bed maybe tomorrow afternoon.
Where's all my money, and my tummy has ballooned,
Somewhere a violin is playing for me, horrribly out of tune.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Edge Tours Hawaii; Adventure Tours Gone Wild
Brand New Tour company hits the Islands by storm. Edge Tours Hawaii, dedicated to bringing our clients the greatest thrills and adventure the Hawaiian Islands have to offer. Our custom packages will have you crying home to mommy to bail your ass out of jail. (If your lucky). Here are some of our latest tour packages.
The Waikiki Pimp and Ho's Surprise Package:
Experience a relatively safe evening with the most available women in Hawaii and then get jacked and robbed at gunpoint by her pimp in a realistic, controlled, nearly sterile environment.
Hit the Town Hard Package:
Enjoy a fun filled evening on the town with a handful of Hawaii's best amateur Extreme Fighters. The night starts off with appetizer and drinks as a private limo wisks you, and your new friends, to Hawaii's Hottest Clubs. There you will be guaranteed a ring side seat as the beer fueled mayhem unfolds. *shoes are recommended.
Stranded Island Diet Plan Package:
Let us shuttle you out to a deserted off shore island and forget about you for a few days. Once there you will fend for your survival against the elements. Kind of like the t.v. show without the money and fame. 100% guaranteed to loose weight. Return flight provided by a Coast Guard Helicopter followed by continental breakfast.
*all packages include one complimentary Mai Tai.
The Waikiki Pimp and Ho's Surprise Package:
Experience a relatively safe evening with the most available women in Hawaii and then get jacked and robbed at gunpoint by her pimp in a realistic, controlled, nearly sterile environment.
Hit the Town Hard Package:
Enjoy a fun filled evening on the town with a handful of Hawaii's best amateur Extreme Fighters. The night starts off with appetizer and drinks as a private limo wisks you, and your new friends, to Hawaii's Hottest Clubs. There you will be guaranteed a ring side seat as the beer fueled mayhem unfolds. *shoes are recommended.
Stranded Island Diet Plan Package:
Let us shuttle you out to a deserted off shore island and forget about you for a few days. Once there you will fend for your survival against the elements. Kind of like the t.v. show without the money and fame. 100% guaranteed to loose weight. Return flight provided by a Coast Guard Helicopter followed by continental breakfast.
*all packages include one complimentary Mai Tai.
